I Just Can't Even With Today Anymore part 7,395...

I came home from work last night in a decent mood. I showered, ate then unfortunately checked Facebook. Like I said before, a dog eating it's own shit.

My step son decided to attack me for criticizing my ex-girlfriend, which I had been doing half-jokingly and it's a coping thing. That pissed me off royally. I'm not going to go over it again. It's on my FB if you want to find it. But he then proceeded to call me like 5 times. I didn't answer. I'm so rarely in good moods these days he was just a dick to ruin it and try and lecture me.

After I ate I went to my bedroom. Something was not right. My alarm clock was on the floor. The TV shelf was pulled out from the wall and broken. Other things were in disarray. I do not remember doing any of this stuff. I woke up my daughter and asked if she had been in my room or if someone came by. She said no. I believe her.

My ex does not have keys that I know of. Nothing seems to be missing. There are 2 explanations: I did it and don't remember, or it was a ghost/demon.

Funny this. I really don't believe in the supernatural. But I WANT to. I want it to be true. I want it so bad I've been reading about witchcraft and black magic. My interest has grown over the last few years. I have yet to full-on try anything but I have thought long and hard about it.

Mind you, I realize this is not really a subject somebody with schizoaffective disorder should be playing with. I'm already prone to delusions, bad decisions and thoughts. But I also find it fascinating, and it feeds a dark part in my heart and soul. I like the passive aggressive nature of putting a curse on someone and then feeling like I got "revenge" when something bad happens to them. Yes, this is kind of sick and immoral, but go with me. We ALL have thoughts like this. We all fantasize about revenge. I fantasize about a certain would-be dictator from NYC getting his head blown off. Every fucking day.

So I don't know. I still don't know what happened last night. maybe I had an episode and lost time. or maybe my interest in dark arts has invited something in. I really don't either way. A ghost or demon is preferable to the utter boredom of my life.

When I did ultimately sleep, I dreamt of my stepson, a troubled kid, in a shack outside our house back in New York. I was still married. He asked for money so I gave him some. he left, came back to the shack and I peaked inside. He and some friends were doing cocaine and heroin. I freaked out and yelled for his mom but before she could help the police showed up to arrest them. He yelled at me for narking on him or something, and some identified neighbor yelled at me for raising him wrong.

I woke up pissed off. I also woke later than I planned. My room was still in disarray.

Then I see this.

He confirms he wants to be treated like a dictator.

I just can't anymore.

Somebody please.....

--Bill 6/15/18