The GHOSTS OF MARS Effect, Or How to Enjoy Yourself With No Regrets

First of all I have to come clean and admit I stole this blog idea from another guy's blog. In fairness it's not a terribly original idea or topic. I don't feel bad or guilty. But I stole it from a blog entry at Nathan Rabin's Happy Place. Nathan has been a writer for The Onion A/V Club as well as many other publications. He's also written a few books, my favorite of which is My World Of Flops, a compendium of reviews he wrote for legendarily bad movies. He has a new blog, reader supported and all his own. It's wonderful and if you're a pop culture junkie like me (and Nathan) I encourage you to read it. His current series reviewing every Weird Al Yankovic song ever recorded is a stroke of mad, dedicated fandom.

The article in question talked about how one should just be happy and enjoy what they enjoy with no guilt or embarrassment involved. I really related to the message. I've felt this way most of my life but I feel it more as I get older. Not only do I not judge myself for the things I like but I try really, really hard not to judge others for what they love (unless you love guns and Donald Trump. A man's got to know his limitations). There was a time when I would get mad over the TWILIGHT movies and books, or Katy Perry and Limp Bizkit and all that stuff that I deemed to be shit. I still think it's shit. That hasn't changed. But what has changed is my attitude towards people who gather joy from those things. Who am I to begrudge anyone the happiness they get from 50 SHADES OF GREY or the worst TV show of all-time, FRIENDS? 

Loving things unabashedly is a noble goal. Life is short. There's no real logical reason to be shy about what you love, no matter what the perception is of the public, your family or your friends. I've come to call this the GHOSTS OF MARS Effect. Allow me to explain.

GHOSTS OF MARS is a legendarily awful film released in 2001. It was written and directed by my all-time favorite filmmaker, and all-around idol John Carpenter. It effectively put an end to his directing career (although he did go on to direct THE WARD in 2010 but that hardly counts). It's badly written, directed, acted and conceived. The special effects are ridiculous. The "ghosts" are laughable. The music, normally a high point in a Carpenter film, is awful, repetitive and grating. I made my wife see it with me on opening day. Thinking back I don't think she spoke to me for about a week.

Yet here's the thing: I've grown to love this movie. If it's on, I will fucking watch this fucker. It's pure junk but for some reason I love it. It does have a stellar B-Movie cast, including Natasha Henstridge, Pam Grier, Ice Cube (giving a truly awful performance), Jason Statham, Carpenter regular Peter Jason, Robert Carradine and the always awesome Clea DuVall. This is a movie where red Martian dust turns people into zombified SlipKnot rejects who cut heads off with circular saws. It's yet another riff of the "siege genre," something Carpenter loves. It's a stupid, stupid, stupid movie that I love so much I will defend it's merits to my deathbed. I love it simply because it is SO stupid. On the DVD commentary track (yes, I actually listened to that) John Carpenter even half-jokingly says it's stupidest idea he ever came up with.

I think he's being too hard on himself. For one, the man made so many classics that he's allowed to pinch out a turd here and there. The other reason I feel this way is because the stupid, doomed, misguided endeavor brings me joy. The idiocy and incompetence on display are so staggering that I can't do anything but wanna hug this movie and tell it "it's OK, GHOSTS OF MARS. I at least love you."

So that's the gist of it. Life is short. It's pretty shitty in America right now. You got personal problems, you don't have enough money and you have no girlfriend. But you have GHOSTS OF MARS.

But what else do I have? What other things do I just fucking love, with no shame or guilt? Things that bring me joy and happiness, good memories and fine feelings? I made a list on Nathan's message board. I'm gonna copy and paste that here, and add a few more I've thought of since. I'd love to see what you just fucking love no matter what anyone else thinks. Post it below. Give me some comments for crying out loud!!

WHAT I FUCKING LOVE:

John Carpenter, good and bad
The Ramones (especially Joey)
The Witch
The New Pornographers
SAGA comic book series
The Chicago Cubs
Walk Hard
Family Guy
Halloween, the movie
Halloween, the holiday
Kurt Russell
The Stone Roses
Shoegaze
Carl Newman's songwriting chops
Neko Case
David Wong's books

Permission To Land by The Darkness

Oatmeal Cream Pies
Batman
Kathleen Hanna
HP Lovecraft
Teenage Fanclub
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
X-Men
Miami Dolphins
Paul Thomas Anderson
Archer
E.T.

Scented Candles
David Lynch
Scott Pilgrim
Spinal Tap
Redd Kross
Funko POP! Figures
R.E.M.

Chicken Fingers

Bono

Gremlins

Bobblehead figures

Clive Barker

Novelty Coffee Mugs

Fabreeze

Video Games

My "They Live" T-Shirt

I could go on and on. Your turn, please.