I went to the doctors today. This being a full-disclosure blog I have to tell you I went because I had blood in my urine on 2 different occasions. Obviously not a good thing and I immediately began to catastrophize the situation. Cancer runs in my family. I have not lived the healthiest life. I am bombarded by stress from all directions. I EXPECT to get cancer.
Odds are it's not cancer, per the doctor. Maybe a minor UTI. No real pain. He wrote me an order for blood work to check some things, including my thyroid. Now thyroid problems run in my family worse than cancer. My mom and sister have thyroid problems. I believe my father does. My grandmother did. It never occurred to me that I might have a thyroid issue until the doctor asked me what other issues I'd been having. Constipation (remember, full disclosure blog), tremors, which I've talked about before. I suffer from depression and am being treated for it, but thyroid problems cause depression and fatigue. Also insomnia which anybody who reads me here or on Facebook knows I suffer from.
I am not diagnosing myself with thyroid problems here. Nor am I doing my usual catastrophizing. What I'm leading to is the fact that I'm not ready for my body to start breaking down on me. I'm 41. Old age is coming. In fact, according my kids old age is here. And with aging comes health problems. Your body starts to fail you no matter what you do. It may be in small increments but it's happening.
I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THAT OLD!!!!! My brain is still in my 20s (which is half my problem). My body cannot start to fail me. There is no way I'm really 41 fucking years old and in need of a prostate exam.
I know that with good diet and exercise you can remain healthy and happy for a long long time. I intend to make some changes in my diet, and exercise more. But it won't stop the slow deterioration of my body, which will systematically breakdown and fail over the next 40 (if I'm lucky) years.
Which makes it all the more urgent I get a fucking job (SOMEBODY? ANYBODY?), get self-sufficient, and move on with my life. Because right now as I sit here unemployed, dependent on Katherine for food and shelter, my thyroid may be failing. In a small way but failing nonetheless. We'll know in a few days. But until then I for one am kinda creeped out.
Odds are it's not cancer, per the doctor. Maybe a minor UTI. No real pain. He wrote me an order for blood work to check some things, including my thyroid. Now thyroid problems run in my family worse than cancer. My mom and sister have thyroid problems. I believe my father does. My grandmother did. It never occurred to me that I might have a thyroid issue until the doctor asked me what other issues I'd been having. Constipation (remember, full disclosure blog), tremors, which I've talked about before. I suffer from depression and am being treated for it, but thyroid problems cause depression and fatigue. Also insomnia which anybody who reads me here or on Facebook knows I suffer from.
I am not diagnosing myself with thyroid problems here. Nor am I doing my usual catastrophizing. What I'm leading to is the fact that I'm not ready for my body to start breaking down on me. I'm 41. Old age is coming. In fact, according my kids old age is here. And with aging comes health problems. Your body starts to fail you no matter what you do. It may be in small increments but it's happening.
I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THAT OLD!!!!! My brain is still in my 20s (which is half my problem). My body cannot start to fail me. There is no way I'm really 41 fucking years old and in need of a prostate exam.
I know that with good diet and exercise you can remain healthy and happy for a long long time. I intend to make some changes in my diet, and exercise more. But it won't stop the slow deterioration of my body, which will systematically breakdown and fail over the next 40 (if I'm lucky) years.
Which makes it all the more urgent I get a fucking job (SOMEBODY? ANYBODY?), get self-sufficient, and move on with my life. Because right now as I sit here unemployed, dependent on Katherine for food and shelter, my thyroid may be failing. In a small way but failing nonetheless. We'll know in a few days. But until then I for one am kinda creeped out.
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